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i am thinking about the lines to the song from sugarland.....SETTLIN' ......i feel over the limit. i am tired of accepting fate.

i feel on overload from recent events. some that are inevitable others that are still making me scratch my head because i feel like i was blindsided by a football team.

they say when life gives you lemons make lemonade......and BELIVE ME i am trying.

in this past week alone i have witnessed and experienced so much stress and mistrust and down right malevolence.....my shoulders feel as if they will break from the weight of it all. i wish i could say i see the light at the end of the tunnel. but i fear this is only the precursor to the storm ahead.

words of wisdom?
solemn advice?

haiku?

(in the middle of the night i posted on fb.....then realized that perhaps i had mimicked the ancient japanese art of haiku....what do you think?)

Middle Night
Nowhere Flight
Insomnia Invades My Universe

updates from

....wherever you are.

i signed off of FB on Ash Wednesday. i also turned away from Starbuck's Chai Tea........on
Easter Sunday i returned to FB for a few hours to wish some folks 'happy birthday' and poke around a bit....yet i think that the allure has disappeared i find i really have no reason to go back....no need to create a running commentary of the dull uninspiring moments of my everyday life.  i did go to Starbuck's and had a long awaited CHAI...but that, too, has lost its appeal.

nothing definite yet. but i think i have turned a corner and headed in another direction.

my knee is still injured. i am still an out of shape junkfood junkie. i still work in the same office and live in the same house. but something has changed.

trust me

i want to know why the people you love the most have the ability to hurt you the worst?

i am feeling actual nausea and distress over things that should never have turned into issues. today is friday it should be a good day. instead it is full of hurt and heartache. it is not my nature to be vengeful & argumentative. i rarely say things out of spite or anger, am quick to apologize for any wrong i commit. go out of my way to please others. put others needs before my own.

i used to think i was a pretty descent person.

NARA

National Archives and Records Administration
http://www.archives.gov/index.html
(from Wikipedia)
The National Archives and Records Administration (NARA) is an independent agency of the United States government charged with preserving and documenting government and historical records and with increasing public access to those documents, which comprise the National Archives.^[5] NARA is officially responsible for maintaining and publishing the legally authentic and authoritative copies of acts of Congress, presidential proclamations and executive orders, and federal regulations.

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Along with the multitude of historical government documents, including but not limited to things such as the United States Constitution. The NARA also is the guardian of public records that hold a much more personal value to genealogists and family historians.....ORIGINAL records of ancestors who immigrated to the United States and/or travelled between the US and foreign countries. These records include interviews with the person as well as 'witnessess' for the person, official US forms that the person had to complete, possibly court records regarding the person, military records and quite possibly a photograph or two.

And while I am discovering that my direct maternal ancestors on my father's side (that seems very convoluted.....basically - my dad's mom's family) seem to have all been born in California. My grandfather was born in China (but that is another story!)  Quite a number of them seem to have made trips between California and China.  Because they travelled during the years that the Chinese Exclusion Act was being enforced there is quite a bit of documentation to prove there US citizenship!

I made my very first trip to the NARA, San Francisco last Saturday, 25 Feb 2012.  Two very exciting things happened. First, of course, was getting to look at some of these records and secondly to meet one of my cousins for the very first time. We are second cousins once removed to be specific.

Because we attended a special event at the NARA there was a 1.5 hr powerpoint  presentation giving an overview of  what the NARA is and what it does.  Then we had 1.5 hrs to research and view records. During pre-visit emails with Marisa, the archivist at NARA, we had already requested six files to be pulled for us to review.  There was so much information to absorb in these files.  We could not even begin to read them all.  We tried to scan as much as possible, but in 90 minutes we only managed to scan 20 pages and one picture.  BUT this picture is truly a treasure!!! I had seen photographic reproductions of it recently, but this was THE REAL PHOTO.  It is a picture of Mary Siu and her seven daughters and two sons and a mysteriously unknown older gentleman.......



center & seated: Mary Seu Lowe;
from left to right: Frances, Jane, Jessie, May, Georgia,William, Unknown,
Arlene, Harry, Jewel (Pat)



I plan to go back to the NARA as soon as possible to finish scanning all of these files and perhaps locating other files related to our family.